Cubbing season has begun with my Tennessee Valley Hunt this month, and I must say that I am in heaven!! You see, I am in love. I am completely infatuated with our new hunt horse Derby Dancer. Now here is a lady that appreciates my magnificent qualities! She is a beautiful Clydesdale cross and so smart because after all she thinks I’m adorable. (Gretchen’s Note: Yes, yes, Mr. George Plooney. You are the heart throb of the entire hunt, all 12 hands of you. However, when Derby arrived at the farm I was afraid that she was going to kill you. You did come on a little, um, creepy. You ran straight up to her, proposed marriage, and then declared that she was your soul mate. And ran off every other gelding in the field. She was not amused, as I recall. She tried to kick you, but instead kicked up too high and got both her hind feet stuck on top of your croup! She’s so much taller than you, I’m afraid that it was not dignified.)
The Scarlet Wench LIES. LIES.
Derby declared that I was the manliest steed that she had ever seen! (Gretchen’s Note: Uh, no. What she said was, “I’ve never seen such a tiny terrier! Does he really have to stay out in the field with us?”) Wench, you will pay for that. My Dearest Love never said anything like that. We are like the great love of Bogey and Bacall. (Gretchen’s Note: Yes, actually, I agree with that. Bogey always said that he “tried to be tall”, kind of like a certain pudgy pony we all know. And Bogey and Bacall were a May-December match, and Ms. Derby is certainly much older than you. I would call her your Cougar, but her feet are so big that I’m afraid she might overhear and brain me!) Now there’s an idea…..
I finally got to hunt last weekend with Derby, My Dearest Love. And I totally saved her from a rabid, vicious donkey. He was drooling likeCudjo, I swear. (Gretchen's Note: He was not rabid, only really surprised to see a lady riding a squishy dog, that’s all.) I will so tell My Dearest Love that you called her fat the next time your ugly head is near her deadly hooves. Yes, I swear it will be done.
We had just left the trailers at our Big Valley Fixture to climb up the big hill in the cattle pasture when we came upon a donkey. Now, My Dearest Love got really nervous. She has never cared for donkeys since one accosted her at Shaker Village. My poor beloved started to tremble with big, white eyes! Well, I was not about to let this continue. So I whipped around and started to charge the ass with my neck arched and my tail high! He looked very impressed. (Gretchen’s Note: Well, he was very surprised, I’ll give you that. The donkey was taken aback that something so fat could spin around so fast. And then there was all the babbling you were doing. I know you were trying to sound fierce, but really you just came off as being squeaky.)
Each time the donkey would back off from my very impressive threat displays, but he still insisted on following the Field up the big hill and around the top. I made sure to stay in between My Dearest Love and the donkey, so she would feel protected and safe. But then that ass started laughing at us. Loudly. I really hate donkeys.
My Penn-Marydel hounds got on a large coyote very soon after reaching the top of the ridge. They chased it around the covert for a bit, but once Wylie left the cover for the open cattle fields the scent was blown away by the stiff wind. The hounds tried and tried, but they never could pick him up again. He was viewed leaving our country.
We cast around the rest of our Big Valley Fixture and thought we had another good line in the 100 Acre Woods, but no. That one didn’t produce much in the increasing temperatures and steady wind. So we called it a day and went back to the trailers. I was so glad that the Wench loaded My Dearest Love and me back in the trailer during the Hunt Breakfast. It gave Derby and I some quality alone time together. (Gretchen’s Note: That is just gross, Zigster. Just gross.)
Here’s to a fabulous season hunting with my Penn-Marydel peeps and My Dearest Love! Now if only I can figure out how to teach the cat to drive us to the meets so I can ditch the Wench.
Ziggy Pelham, the World’s Greatest Hunt Horse!